All parents want to be the best parent for their children. But being a better parent does not come easy especially when you have lots of other problems to deal with. You have many responsibilities waiting for you to handle aside from childcare. But since you brought your kids to this world, you are responsible for their health and happiness while they are still young. But is it possible to be a positive parent when you yourself were brought up in a punitive home?
If you want to be different and become a better parent to your kids, know that the journey won’t be an easy one. It won’t be as simple as choosing the right furniture for your family room to make sure your little one’s allergies won’t flare up. There can be many challenges waiting on the road, such as the following:
Breaking Your Old Habits
It can be very frustrating to leave old habits behind. You yelling to your kids to stop fighting and giving in to the urge of lashing out can be very hard to leave behind. This is even if you often guilty for doing these to your kids after.
But know that it is not impossible to leave the habits you no longer want for your kids. The first thing you need to do is to know your triggers. Knowing the things that easily upset you and cause you to want to lash out will make it easier to stop yourself before you act on impulse.
Asking yourself the following questions will help you start breaking the old parenting habits you want to quit.
- What are my personal factors that lead to me giving in to my trigger?
- What are the things that trigger my kids to do things that tick me off?
- Do I feel any physical symptoms before lashing out?
- What can I do the next time I feel the urge to lash out?
Let’s say mornings are usually the most stressful time of the day for both you and your kids. Instead of trying to rush everything, prepare everything you might need ahead of time. You can try doing this the night before or wake up extra early so you can get things done before your kids wake up.
Not Having Enough Support
Your parents were your role models growing up. Since their parenting style is a lot more punitive, it is very easy to unknowingly adopt their habits. Once you realize you need to change your parenting style to a more positive and nurturing one, you may find it hard to do so since you have not enough support to guide you through the process.
Know that your parents should not be your sole support system especially if they were rough on you from the start. You don’t want your child to grow up in a negative home, so find other sources where you can get the right kind of support. This can be from another parent who has been practicing positive parenting.
You can also consult with a professional who can help you change your parenting style. You need to find someone who will not judge your mistakes but one who will understand what you are going through. Getting enough support is easy only if you open your heart and mind to the numerous options available.
Knowing What Positive Discipline Versus Knowing How to Do It Right
Applying positive discipline can be tricky. Knowing what to do is not enough. It is a must that you also learn how to do it the right way. Knowing the principle behind positive parenting is different from applying what you know.
To discipline your kids as a positive parent, you can use the following list as your guide.
Creating boundaries gives everyone enough space as needed. When kids learn how to acknowledge boundaries, it is easier to stay calm because they respect our space. Know that you can only teach this if you also give your kids enough space to calm down and listen.
Don’t Resort to Shaming
Many parents can’t stop themselves from using shaming words when they are mad at their kids. Whenever you find yourself about to lash out, bite your tongue, take a few deep breaths, and take your kid somewhere private. Don’t use shaming words and let them know what they did wrong without inducing shame.
Give More Attention to Good Behaviors
Don’t simply call out your kids for their bad behaviors. Whenever they do something right and good, compliment their behavior. This will inspire them to do more good deeds in the future.
Positive parenting enables parents to develop a healthy and nurturing relationship with their kids. It is about raising kids who are kind and respectful not because they are afraid of how parents will react but because it is the right thing to do. It will be challenging to take on positive parenting. But it is never impossible to do so especially if you start embracing this parenting style early on.